The future once conceptualized is here. Smart phones, tablets, social websites, and online dating have created a virtual world that can often replace a tangible existence...
Online dating has changed our view of relationships, but our lack of self-control on the Internet has created a world where people are not only replaceable, but often disposable.
The next great inventors of our time are out there, but are they too busy on social networking sites to realize their true potential?
If Jesus were to come back it would need to be announced via Facebook, "Hey JC back in the building, please like and share. You can follow me...on my donkey."
Online Dating has created a world where people are not only replaceable, but often disposable.
We spend so much time looking for our soulmate, but what about the relationship with our own soul?
We achieve so little because we lack more disciplined thoughts.
Rise of Interracial Dating explained.
Some excerpts from the book...
We’ve changed as a society. We think we are important, yet no one is doing anything important. My friend, Stephanie, has a Pinterest page with three hundred massage-related photos, a Facebook massage “business” (it seems everyone is certified in massage) page, and a Twitter account where she tweets about massage all day long; literally, all day long.
In the event I do forget, she’ll tweet in the next twenty minutes, “Feel tired or uptight? Your body would benefit from a massage right now!”
Right now? But Stephanie, you asked me to join your LinkedIn account and read your latest Facebook post. I’m confused. No wonder everyone has ADD. Do I get a massage or check out your LinkedIn profile? Stephanie is always talking about massage, but strangely enough I’ve never seen her give one actual massage, unless we are talking about massaging a computer keyboard. She’s great at giving a deep tissue massage to that keyboard all day long.
My buddy, Matt, is single and browsing profiles on match.com and okcupid.com. One site isn’t enough. Some guys bar hop to meet women, but now we “dating site hop” to meet multitudes. He’s hitting up the ladies one copy-and-paste email at a time. You think he’s going to send a personal direct email? Please, why bother with sincerity when there are lots of other women to email.
Stephanie and Matt have arrived. We’ve all arrived.
We are out there. Exposed.
Having Instagram, Facebook, and Google Plus accounts doesn’t make us important, it shows how hungry we are for attention. We are glued to our devices, waiting for new contact or notifications as if they are long lost treasures.
There was a time we could idly sit for hours and think of nothing, do nothing. Now, within an hour, someone will have checked their email five times, and responded to a dozen text messages. We neglect to live the moment; instead, we ask our phones to live it for us. Sometimes we say, “I’m bored.” Well, boredom is our problem.
I’m not saying I’m impervious to any of this. I’m not. I’m calling myself out as well. This is a “we” book.
Everyone thinks they are important but most of us are not doing anything important. We don’t have to; our phones and the Internet live our lives for us. We can simply be a witness to our own life, not living or doing much on our own merit, just consuming the content around us.
My head needs a massage. I would ask Stephanie, but she’s busy tweeting...
The underlying message of living a life online is it takes us away from living an actual life. We can’t do two things at once. We can’t play guitar while also writing a blog. One of those things is going to suffer. People say, “But I’m a mutitasker!.” No, we aren’t. We don’t multi-task. We do many things at the same time poorly. Individuals have one brain and one set of eyes. Doing a lot of things at once doesn’t prove we multitask, it shows we can’t exhibit enough discipline and self-control to shut out the noise and concentrate on one thing.
I once saw a guy walking down the street talking on one phone and texting with another. Seconds later, he ran into a telephone pole. Wow, what a great multitasker! He broke his phone, injured his face, and now he has the task of going to the hospital, multiple times. If he were doing the single task of walking and paying attention, this would not have happened. Next time someone falls into a manhole, look at their phone. I bet it opens to an unfinished text message.
The next Mozart is out there, but probably too busy uploading pictures to Facebook and playing video games to write the next amazing symphony. He doesn’t realize his potential, and he doesn’t have to. We could be missing out on possibly the greatest musician ever, but sadly he’ll just blend in with the plebian masses doing the things we all do to waste time.
The next great inventor of our time, a future Thomas Edison, is alive and living, but instead of manifesting brilliant ideas, he’s joined a dating site where he can shop for love from the comfort of his couch. If only he could telepathically transmit his unique mind to someone who could use it. In that scenario, I’m sure the telepathy would get ignored and dismissed in replacement of an incoming text message, and you know, you can only do one thing at a time. The brilliant ideas die in submission. This person could change the world, but would rather spend time changing default profile pictures...
Let’s say it’s 1989. A man at a grocery store gets a woman’s number. How? He walked up to her and asked for it. That simple. “Hey, you are beautiful, let’s go out sometime. I like your melons. The ones in your basket.” He’s thinking of her on the way home, hasn’t had a date in four months. He thinks about her, thinks about her again, and thinks of her more, but he doesn’t call. He decides to wait three days (seemed to be the standard back then). He’s being a man, having some style, but also excited to make that call. He thinks about what he might say, questions he might ask, hoping there is conversational chemistry between them.
He calls and doesn’t get an answer. He leaves a message on her answering machine (for the twenty-year olds, the “answering machine” was a device one used to retrieve voice messages at home). He probably left something thoughtful and sweet, explaining how excited he was to get to know her and take her out. She would later listen to the message, all of it. Back then people had attention spans long enough to listen to an entire voice mail message.
Today if someone leaves a voice mail, we’ll barely listen to anything past the first sentence. If you are a friend and in trouble, please tell me right away. Get to the “I’m in trouble” part immediately. Don’t wait until the third sentence to tell me. I’ve deleted the message by then. Your message should be, “Hey Justin, I’m on fire!” BAM, I get it. Fire is on your body. Let’s get that off you. I’ll be there to throw water on you. If you ramble and say, “Umm, hey, Justin, not sure what you doing now, but I really need your—.” Deleted. Sorry, didn’t hear that last part. I hope you don’t mind updating your dating profile to “Need someone who doesn’t mind applying ointment”. Don’t be mad at me, you should have told me you were on fire immediately.
So, she hears your message on her answering machine, and guess what? She has her own swag waiting a couple days to call you back. Look at the chronology of these two people. The man gets a woman’s number. He waits three days to call her. She waits two days to call him. Five days have passed with no communication. Two messages left on answering machines, but no actual conversation. Today, during this same five-day span, people would already be in a relationship. One-hundred text messages would have been sent. She is calling you “baby,” and you are telling her “I feel you might be the one.” You haven’t even met yet!
Why is marriage dying? The institution is failing. We enter into a relationship before we enter into a friendship. A relationship should be an extension of a great friendship where you also get naked on occasion, or a lot. Gone are the days of developing friendships. By the time two people meet in person from a dating site, so much information has been exchanged via text message, the date is more of a transaction: “You’re single. I’m single. Want to do this or what? We already know everything about each other.”
To finish the scenario, he calls her back and they finally set up a date for Friday. This means a week and a half has passed before they see each other again. This gives her time to get used to his presence, and gives him time to prepare for the first date. He wants to make a great impression so there is a second date, third date, etc. Maybe next time he calls, she will pick up the phone, because let’s not kid each other, she was there when he called the first time. She just wanted to make him work. Attention had to be earned.
Dating today seems to be the antithesis of the previous scenario. A person might be texting a few people from a dating site, maybe five people, or as many people as one wants. There are no limits. If we text someone, and they prefer a phone call… what is that, a phone call?! No way, we say! We dismiss the person as though they never existed and continue texting the remaining people in our online harem...
We live through our devices. All things connected through the magical square box we hold in our dominant hand 60 percent of the day. Most people have no idea how to cope without their phone. Ask someone “Hey, how are you doing?” They look into their phone and load the app titled “How You’re Doing,” wait for an answer, look up, and say “My app says I’m doing fine. It just told me.” We can’t think for ourselves.
For years, we saw “The Future” depicted in movies as people with devices in their hands, communicating with computers, swiping fingers on glass, and having emotional connections with machinery that helped obtain pleasure. That time seems to be now. That is the reality we live today. “The Future” has arrived.
If we were able to see ourselves from thirty years ago, we would think we were watching a movie: devices, iPads, virtual glasses, and other unprecedented technologies. It’s hard to detach from the reality we’ve created. With all this technology, it’s easy to disconnect from what is tangible, therefore we live through what is not real to create a faux-reality.
Often times we see someone hanging out with a group of friends, texting away. That person is obviously communicating with someone who isn’t present. They text and text throughout the evening, ignoring friends who are actually there with them. Well, what happens when that same person is finally hanging out with the person they were texting? They text other people! Cycle repeats itself. People get together, text and text, and when they are finally hanging out with the people they were texting, they choose to text other people. We have friendships with our phone.
With online dating, there are two relationships: text/email, and the one in person. They are different from each other. Just because there is a great texting relationship doesn’t mean it’s going to transfer in person.
In the years to come, “in the future,” people will have full-fledged relationships with their devices. This will be palatable. If two people meet virtually and it’s not satisfactory, that will be acceptable, because the virtual relationship was fulfilling enough. I wonder if anyone else is concerned about this?
If you have any feedback, would love to hear it.Buy
"Once you start reading you can't stop. I think he did an amazing job from beginning to end. It's an OPEN YOUR MIND book! If you ever did Online Dating it's a must read! If you are completely against Online Dating - Definitely must read!"
"Your last chapters challenged THE HELL out of me. See, I'd been struggling with doing too much and not accomplishing anything excellently. Your book taught me to pick a lane, stay in our lane and ride it out to the end."
"Wow, this book is exceptional. It's really not what I thought it might be about, but I'm so very glad it wasn't (or isn't). Just throght provoking on many levels. And like he mentions the philosophy is often secondary to the humor...but they are both there! Great great job, I look forward to reading more of his work."
Justin Kelly McClure was born and raised in bucolic north Georgia. He’s everything and nothing at the same time. That’s enough about him. The worth of someone is decided in the content they create, not what is announced in a biography.
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Dedicated to those who dream, wake up to remember, and decided to pursue.